Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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