Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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