A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
