Sponge bath it is.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
