It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
