i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
