Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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