I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
