I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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