Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
