it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
