I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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