peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
