I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
