so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
