Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
