Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
