Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
