Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
