You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
