So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
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How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
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when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
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