I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
