I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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