he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
