I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
