yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize