I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
