its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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