WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
