We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she smelled like a LAN party
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
