For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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