if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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