Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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