I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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