Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
