I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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