I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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