Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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