Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
