Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
