Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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