So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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