The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
