Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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