i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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