He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
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This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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