i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
