We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
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Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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