What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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