White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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