It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
