spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
