Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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