ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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