Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
