Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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