I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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