The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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