My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
