that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
