she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
