there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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