There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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