and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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