Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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