Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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