Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
