I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
