I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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