Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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