why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
