I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
