i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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