oh god the rape fog is back!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
