My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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