Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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