One girl and one boy is just not enough.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
