If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
