He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
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In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
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Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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