I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
