I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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