i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
